At its bottom, it's a question of me (or whoever who's suffering from the problem) not really wanting to change and also not wanting acknowledge this.

It's not even that; it's just that unless you make connections between what you want and how to get it, you're just going to end up with whatever slop of a controller structure you previously managed to throw together well enough to just barely work... for your circumstances at the time.

And to get an improved control structure, you have to be willing to look at what's already there, not just throw in a bunch of optimistic new stuff and expect it to work. Most likely, things are the way they are for good reasons, and if your changes don't take those reasons into account, you will end up with conflicts and relapse.

Of course, as long as you take the relapse as feedback that something else in the control structure needs modification, you'll be fine. It's the interpretation of a relapse as meaning that you lack sufficient willpower or something like that, that creates problems.