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wedrifid comments on Of Exclusionary Speech and Gender Politics - Less Wrong
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The initiative and non-wishiwashiness is the most important factor but sometimes the actual override/push people around part is a useful signal in its own right too, if done skillfully.
That's the part that's really hard to communicate in a soundbite, or really to communicate verbally at all.
Especially since 'do exactly the same thing but be two inches taller' can completely change the outcome.
Sometimes it is best to just suggest 'err to the other side to what you are used to'. That makes the difference between what works and what doesn't much easier to spot so the countless subtle differences in context can be learned more readily.