I think we actually agree with each other more than it seems. I agree with the following:

• Generally speaking, it is better to not offend than to offend
• All other things being equal, use the non-offensive word
• Worrying about not offending everyone is pointless and impossible
• There is a line somewhere between avoiding potentially offensive words/language/topics and freaking out over every offense
• Accept pointers about being less offensive when the less offensive route is rather trivial
• Use common sense

Do you disagree on any particular point? The details are up for grabs, but the gist sounds right to me.