eirenicon comments on The Nature of Offense - Less Wrong
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Excellent and important point. I think that's a part of my uneasiness that I hadn't been able to verbalize abstractly up until now.
In order to have a comment policy in place, the act of pointing out language-to-avoid should have a standard and formal form which does not decrease the status of the pointed-out speaker, and perhaps even more importantly, should not increase the status of the pointer-outer.
The only way I can see that working is to avoid doing it publicly, either by telling someone in a message or by some other function, like a 'Private Reply' button that leaves a comment only the target commenter can read.