I'd put it this way: offense is given by someone who violates a social norm the offended rely on to justify or enforce their status claims. This principle excludes the variety of status claims that don't give rise to offense. It explains why obscenity and profanity offend some people — those who assert superiority by obtaining deferential and proper speech from others. It also explains why the reaction is punitive: it's the way social norms generally are enforced. I expand on this position (in a legal-writing context) in a blog entry "Formula and Formality": http://tinyurl.com/mr7xf6

Stephen R. Diamond http://disputedissues.blogspot.com