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thomblake comments on The First Step is to Admit That You Have a Problem - Less Wrong
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It sounds like you're writing off the Romantic view without properly understanding it. Every day is an adventure! Why 'taskify' "attracting mates" when you can just follow your intuition and see where the road takes you? The Romantic view doesn't specify that if you follow your intuition, then good things will happen. Rather, it suggests that you should follow your intuition - full stop.
Perhaps Romanticism is an easy target on a community devoted to rationalism, but it's unhelpful to complain that your hammer is not a good screwdriver.
Certainly possible. But I think you do a good job of summarizing the view I'm criticizing, and showing why I write it off.
Sounds great... unless you are actually trying to solve a problem that your current intuitions are inadequate to solve.
But I kind of agree that Romanticism is being held to the wrong standard: solving real-world problems and gaining empirical and procedural knowledge is not really what Romanticism is for. Which is exactly why it's so strange to see the attitude that problem-solving in socializing and dating must not violate Romantic ideals at any stage. It's proponents of this attitude that are trying to turn a hammer into a screwdriver.
Connecting with one's intuitions and instincts can often be difficult: it can be a problem. Yet this problem can be mitigated through taskification: you can systematically identify factors that are preventing you from acting on your instincts, and remove those factors. See this video advising men to avoid anxious, tentative language when asking women out that masks the intensity of their feelings. The goal of expressing one's feelings is romantic, but the means involves certain tasks: such as resisting anxiety that might make you uses hedging language that diffuses the chemistry, and instead "claim what's true" for you with "integrity" and "conviction."
I don't think there's anything here I disagree with.
Because following my intuition is the default state, and results in precisely zero romantic relationships.
Why is it so hard to communicate that people giving romantic advice don't quite understand what situation their audience is in?
Some adventures don't go well.
If you follow your intuition and good things never happen, it's time to take the Romantic view and put it on a rocket ship and fire that rocket ship into the Sun.
Phfft - just what a Realist would say.
The Romantic view is a description of what the process feels like from the inside, by someone to whom it does not feel like anything.
A fish is not the best authority on water.