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bigbad comments on Let them eat cake: Interpersonal Problems vs Tasks - Less Wrong
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"But if you pick some social event or scene where there are likely to be people vaguely similar to you"
I suspect that for most of us, such scenes consist almost exclusively of dudes.
I have trouble meeting women, and it's due to three major constraints:
1) I'm not religious, so church is out.
2) Bars bore me.
3) I haven't identified any other venues where a 30-something guy can approach women in a sociable context.
These constraints may be typical of the Less Wrong readership.
An additional concern is not being able to find women with compatible intellectual interests (I don't mean having or not having specific interests but being interested and capable of thinking/talking about intellectual topics). Fortunately, there are dating sites. OkCupid seems to trend smart, but there are lots of others too. If you live near a good university, you can also attend evening special lectures and events of that sort that are heavily attended by graduate students. They often have a socializing aspect to them after the event.
I don't live near a university (the local Christian college does not, IMHO, count). I've tried dating sites, but never had any luck with them. I tried a meeting of my local professional society, but I was one of three people under 50.
The reason bars bore you, is probably that you lack the social skills. Practice happens to be a way to develop skills.
It boils down to the fact that you aren't willing to pay the price of experiencing some boredom to develop social skills. It simply a silly constraint.
As Christian Szegedy wrote above, bars where there's partner dancing such as Salsa, Swing or Tango are probably the best way.
You even have a lot of precedural stuff to keep your mind occupied (not feel boredom) when you concentrate on dancing stuff.
In some sense a lot of people feel that they need the procedural stuff to be able to train social skills without getting bored.
Freakonomics had a section where they came to the conclusion that good parenting isn't about what actions a parent completes but about what kind of a person the parent happens to be.
Exposure to social interactions changes yourself. If you happen to lack social skills it means that you have to go out of your comfort zone. It your choice whether you are willing to pay the price.
That seems like an odd hypothesis. "Bored" is not how I describe my emotional state when I'm engaging in some activity for which I lack skill.
For my part, I find bars boring because there's nothing entertaining to do there. I don't even see how people have interesting social interactions in them; most bars I've been to have been very loud, and the people have been drinking excessively, such that one cannot even have an interesting conversation. But then, my hearing is terrible in loud places, so YMMV.
If you lack good social skills the amount you talk while you are in bars is lower than it would be if you have good skills. If you talk less there's more time to be bored.
If you dance more you are also less likely to be bored.
Not the grandparent commenter, but bars bore me because I don't find socializing with strangers in a bar setting to be particularly interesting. For me, it'd be like riding a unicycle - something I don't know how to do, but I can tell I wouldn't enjoy that much anyway
What about going there with people you already know?
If I want to spend time with them, a bar is far from the optimal place to do it.
The post you quote doesn't advocate going there for the purpose of enjoyment but to achieve secondary objectives.
If you have a goal, and path A to the goal is boring, that doesn't mean that going down path A is automatically out of question.
You might find a better path than A, but if A is the only thing you are left with, go down A even if it's boring if it brings you towards your goal.
Well ... huh. That's a catch-22 for you, isn't it?
(Yeah, you're probably right. Although I guess the grandparent is the only one who can confirm this.)
It's been a while since I wrote the post. But the main point was that if you want to improve skills it's usually helpful to engage in activities that bore you or are in some other way uncomfortable.
Oh, indeed. I was just agreeing with that small section.
Science fiction fandom. In my (UK-based) experience, it contains substantial numbers of both sexes and all ages. And all body types, for that matter.
Can you give an example? More and more I get the impression I live in an entirely different world than some of the people here.
I met my wife in the college radio station. A couple I know met in the local philosophy club. Several couples I know met in gaming groups. Generally when I go to anime or RPG conventions, the gender ratio seems to be close to an even mix.
Magic: the Gathering tournaments are at least 90% male.
Indeed, the only sources I've found (not good ones) for M:tG tournament demographics refer to females as "not measurable".
Which is odd to me because I'm pretty sure about half of the M:tG players I know are female. Though I don't know anyone who doesn't play with old cards, so it's likely a very different demographic than tournament-goers.