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Larks comments on Open Thread: December 2009 - Less Wrong
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Comments (263)
I wrote a short story with something of a transhumanism theme. People can read it here. Actionable feedback welcome; it's still subject to revision.
Note: The protagonist's name is "Key". Key, and one other character, receive Spivak pronouns, which can make either Key's name or eir pronouns look like some kind of typo or formatting error if you don't know it's coming. If this annoys enough people, I may change Key's name or switch to a different genderless pronoun system. I'm curious if anyone finds that they think of Key and the other Spivak character as having a particular gender in the story; I tried to write them neither, but may have failed (I made errors in the pronouns in the first draft, and they all went in one direction).
I got used to the Spivak after a while, and while it'd be optimal for an audience used to it, it did detract a little at first. On the whole I'd say it's necessary though (if you were going to use a gender'd pronoun, I'd use female ones)
I read Key as mainly female, and Trellis as more male- it would be interesting to know how readers' perceptions correlated with their own gender.
The children seemed a little mature, but I thought they'd had a lot better education, or genetic enhancement or something. I think spending a few more sentences on the important events would be good though- otherwise one can simply miss them.
I think you were right to just hint at the backstory- guessing is always fun, and my impression of the world was very similar to that which you gave in one of the comments.