And I think this is a common American view -- that if you are difficult to throw down and hold down, then your opponent's argument needs to be stronger.

I think "American" is too general in this context. My home state is Minnesota and the culture there is very passive aggressive. There is a small subset of people who act like your father and are very active aggressive; the majority will bend over backwards to say one thing while meaning another. Meta-communication is huge in this context. If you suddenly switch roles from being passive aggressive to active aggressive the entire community will beat the hell out of you.

"Minnesota nice" is always said with an inside smirk because we know what is happening behind the smile.

I now live in Texas which is a completely different form of "nice." The people here are more willing to give up a conversation if it will end in someone getting hurt. The behavior of "nice" is expected because they expect people to be nice. Minnesota expects the behavior even though they aren't actually that nice.

Of course, your mileage may vary.