This is excellent feedback; please, do go on.

I did wonder if this was still too short and not aiming low enough. I chose to go on the side of briefness, partially because I was worried about ending up with a giant mammoth post and partially because I felt I'd just be repeating what Eliezer's said before. But yeah, looking at it now, I'm not at all convinced of how well I'd have gotten the message if my pre-OB self had read this.

Interesting that you find the usage of "you" and "we" patronizing. I hadn't thought of it like that - I intended it as a way to make the post less formal and build a more comfortable atmosphere to the reader.

Your rewording sounds good: not exactly the way I'd put it, but certainly something to build on.

Hmm, what do people think - if we end up rewriting this, should I just edit this post? Or make an entirely new one? Perhaps keep this one as it is, but work the changes into a future one that's longer?