And finally, if you absolutely must choose a pronoun, then hold a quick vote about whether I more resemble large-sex-sell humans ("females") or small-sex-cell humans ("males") through my desires and writing style, and I'll stick with that.

You're a 'he', or possibly an Autistic 'she'. Either way I just bought some paperclips and have left my old copy of Word open after I started typing 'Dear John,\n'