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thomblake comments on The fallacy of work-life compartmentalization - Less Wrong
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I would like to explain that, intellectually, I understand that I have severe akrasia and likely clinical depression. However, it primarily manifests itself in the form of the phrase, "I don't care," and it is a recursive lack of caring, such that I do not care that I do not care; at least, that's how it feels. I find it very difficult to acquire motivation under such conditions.
How does one start to care? I've thought about it a great deal, and never came up with an answer outside of, "you just do."
I'd be surprised if anyone who doesn't care has cared enough to figure it out.
That said, you might start examining the things you do care about. You bother to go to work every day, after all. And you eat food rather than poison. You might try to examine those for general categories of things you care about.
I'd already thought of that: looking at implicit cares and attempting to shift them into a position of explicit cares, but it's not easy, especially since most of it feels arbitrary and is carried out through habit or aversion to discomfort. If all I "really" care about is present physical comfort, I'm in bad shape.
This made me think of what pjeby calls the pain brain. In short, our actions can be motivated by either getting closer to what we want (pull) or away from what we try to avoid (push). Generally, push overrides pull, so you may not even notice what you want if you're too busy avoiding what you don't.
It may be useful to explore your goals and motivations with relaxed mental inquiry and critically examine any fears or worries that may come up.