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RobinZ comments on Highlights and Shadows - Less Wrong
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I, too, used to feel like I was able to distinguish which concerns of my interlocutors' were "real" and which were "merely" worries behind which a "real problem" lay hidden.
Then I observed that this led to giving bad advice and stopped endorsing the thought. What I now endorse is whatever concerns people report they have I will treat as valid concerns, if I take on an advisory role.
Correct me if I am wrong, but did you mean that real is a lullaby word?
(Fun fact: I almost wrote "essentially" there. That would have been awkward.)
Often, and particularly when applied to a mental construct, e.g. "problem".