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CronoDAS comments on The Social Coprocessor Model - Less Wrong
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I've completely taken myself off of the dating market; I have nothing of value to offer anyone. :(
Beware the self-fulfilling prophecy...
I'm just not in a place in my life where I'm ready to look for a romantic partner, and, to be honest, I don't think I'll ever be. On the other hand, I'm much less pessimistic about my prospects for being friends with women, though.
I'll be your friend.
I'd like that very much. We live a bit too far apart to see each other in person, but we can be internet friends! :)
Yay for Internet friends!
It's more impressive to me when someone is a true friend than a romantic partner. The romantic partnership (at least for a short time) has the tremendous advantage of running on an extremely powerful program of sexual desire. Of course, there's a similar drive for (the illusion of) friends and allies.
What you probably feel is that the women you encounter are unlikely to want or value you. You could change that (encounter different women; propose differently). It's fine if you don't want to, but be honest about what you want.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting what those around have to offer, either.
You're right. Sadly, we often don't want who we can have.
I personally think you're doing the right thing, assuming your assessment is honest and not just a tool for beating yourself up. I've had a few friends who basically felt the way you describe, but compulsively pursued romantic relationships anyway, seemingly under some bizarre illusion that "catching" someone to dump all of their pain and "no one understands me!"'s onto would make them happy. They invariably ended up wasting their time and that of their intended partner.
If you can figure out how to be happy and fulfilled by yourself, you'll probably have something to offer to a sufficiently compatible person. And it's not like that effort is wasted if you never end up finding such a person.
I personally can't imagine that kind of assessment being anything other than beating one's self up. Nothing to offer at all? Sometimes all people want is someone to listen and go for a walk with them, for instance.
Even if you don't, maybe other people have something of value to offer you.
Roissy is disgusting. I'd rather be celibate than be him. Hell, I'd rather be a lot of things than be him, and that includes myself! ;)
And, AFAICT, being a "beta" seems to have been a reasonably successful reproductive strategy. The virgin/whore dichotomy applies to men, too; girls might have a short-term affair with the bad boy, but they usually don't marry him. And even if your wife cheats on you once in a while, you're still likely to end up with some biological children of your own anyway.