I have a strong negative reaction to much of your argument, but I'm not sure why, so I'm going to hold off on a response to those things that I'm unsure about.

When you're ready to articulate it, I would be interested to hear it. I didn't phrase my comment to be maximally persuasive to the particular people who needed it; I aimed it at a more general LW audience.

For more about where I am coming from, also see this essay on shallowness.

I would say that some things we do socially involve this, and others do not.

Yes, that's what I was getting at. I mean that social interaction is impossible without some level of conforming.