Kevin comments on Open Thread: July 2010 - Less Wrong
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So, probably like most everyone else here, I sometimes get complaints (mostly from my ex-girlfriend, you can always count on them to point out your flaws) that I'm too logical and rational and emotionless and I can't connect with people or understand them et cetera. Now, it's not like I'm actually particularly bad at these things for being as nerdy as I am, and my ex is a rather biased source of information, but it's true that I have a hard time coming across as... I suppose the adjective would be 'warm', or 'human'. I've attributed a lot of this to a) my always-seeking-outside-confirmation-of-competence-style narcissism, b) my overly precise (for most people, not here) speech patterns. (For instance, when my ex said I suck at understanding people, I asked "Why do you believe that?" instead of the simpler and less clinical-psychologist-sounding "How so?" or "How?" or what not.) and c) accidentally randomly bringing up terms like 'a priori' which apparently most people haven't heard. I think there's more low hanging fruit here, though. Tsuyoku naritai!
Has anyone else tackled these problems? It's not that I lack charisma - I've managed to pull off that insane/passionate/brilliant thing among my friends - but I do seem to lack the ability to really connect with people - even people I really care about. Do Less Wrongers experience similar problems? Any advice? Or meta-advice about how to learn hard-to-describe dispositions? I've noticed that consciously acting like I was Regina Spektor in one situation or Richard Feynman in another seems to help, for instance.
The kind of ultra rational Bayesian lingustic patterns used around here would be considered obnoxiously intellectual and pretentious (and incomprehensible?) by most people. Practice mirroring the speech patterns of the people you are communicating with, and slip into rationalist talk when you need to win an argument about something important.
When I'm talking to street people, I say "man" a lot because it's something of a high honorific. Maybe in California I will need to start saying "dude", though man seems inherently more respectful.