Having seen both types of tone, which do you think is more effective in improving rationality and sharing ideas?
The short answer is I do not know.
The slightly longer answer is that it probably does not matter unless the niceness reaches the level at which people become too deferential towards the leaders of the community, a failure mode that I personally do not worry about.
Parenthetically, none of the newsgroups I frequented in the 1990s had a leader unless my memory is epically failing me right now. Erik Naggum came the closest (on comp.lang.lisp) but the maintenance of his not-quite-leader status required him to expend a prodigious amount time (and words) to co...
A few examples (in approximately increasing order of controversy):
If you proceed anyway...