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lessdazed comments on Is Santa Real? - Less Wrong
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With my daughter now being three (and more aware of holidays, etc.), my husband and I really need to determine our strategy for this Christmas.
Currently, I'm leaning towards: 1. not lying to my daughter, 2. and yet keeping silent if/when other people tell her about Santa, 3. using the Socratic method when she asks about Santa, and 4. encouraging her to respect others' beliefs (not run around denouncing Santa yet, if, asked for her opinion, to be honest).
For instance, even if it caused no harm, I can't justify lying to her when I want her to value honesty. Likewise, I find it conflicting to teach her to believe something false when I want her to value rationality.
One difficulty for me is, am I deluding myself by making a distinction between lying to her versus keeping silent when others lie to her? My thinking is that I will keep silent on Santa and that at some point she will notice this and question it and I will explain that I was giving her space to come to her own conclusions and exercise her own intellect.
RingsofSaturn: I appreciated your suggestion that there are lots of fantastic, amazing things to wonder at without having to use Santa. And Christmas can still be quite fun even if the kids know the parents are the ones putting the presents under the tree.
MBlume: "The girl believed in Santa because her mother said he was real, then disbelieved because her mother said he wasn't. Of course she cried -- she was powerless from beginning to end." That is exactly why I don't want to correct every irrational thing my daughter is told by other people -- I want her to learn to think critically, not be a mini-me accepting whatever I say as 'the truth'.
Here's a debatepedia link: Debate: Should parents trick their kids to believe in Santa Claus?
This wiki suggests tricking kids into believing in Santa:
-"promotes a model of learning based on authority and accepting irrational concepts, discouraging healthy skepticism"
-"teaches children that dishonesty at the expense of those who are gullible, like younger children, can be amusing and fun"
-"that we should believe in ideas that are rewarding with the hopes that they are true, rather than believing in them for actually being true"
Can you make the subject what it is reasonable for her to believe based on what everyone is telling her, rather than what is true?
Thanks for catching that lessdazed -- I didn't realize I was falling into a potential trap. Assuming I understood you correctly, there is a huge difference between:
1. Considering whether to keep silent regarding beliefs she's told that I feel are false
2. Considering whether to keep silent regarding all beliefs she's told.
To only do 1. would be counterproductive given my stated goal to encourage independent thought in her. (By countering only beliefs I find false, she would just end up adopting my worldview.) And in the end, it may be best to be really careful about sharing any of my opinions with her, instead using the Socratic method to help her test hers.
Is this what you meant? (And I love your username especially as I would like to be less dazed.)
Yes, I didn't want to use the term "Socratic Method" because for me it brings to mindasking your three year old if there is an ideal form of a chair that all chairs approximate or the like, it is qualitatively the Socratic Method.
"I believe in Santa." "Why?" "Because all the kids in my class do and adults tell me about him and the kids who say he isn't real want to be mean." "I see."
Thank you about the name comment.