But I still think there's a serious danger in teaching students a martial art - which explicitly looks and feels very much like training our bodies in how to deal with attacks - without taking care to make sure that said art is actually effective.

I agree. My comment was specific to the difference between martial strategy and life strategy.

The questions I most commonly hear after a training aren't things like "How do I apply these principles to an argument with my spouse?" (although I do hear that one sometimes).

If I found I needed to be applying what I learn in martial arts training to arguments with my spouse I think I'd hire a divorce lawyer. Come to think of it this is an example where the 'run' tactic is kind of perfect. (I do see what they are asking but I would find the question amusing anyway!)