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orthonormal comments on Against Cryonics & For Cost-Effective Charity - Less Wrong
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That would help, but the introduction needs work too.
It feels like you have two distinct posts awkwardly glued together: one pointing out that cryonics is no more selfish than ordinary selfish expenditures, and another pointing out that it is not the most efficient altruistic use of your money. I'm not sure how they might be better integrated.