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SarahC comments on Open Thread, September, 2010-- part 2 - Less Wrong
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Now, when I've read LessWrong in the past I've always thought to myself, "what a nice friendly community, populated by geeks like myself". But looking at all those profiles I'm amazed how outdoorsy adventurism seems to be a big part of your self-image.
SarahC "hiking and trail-running the Wasatch Mountains this summer was a blast"
Yvain "insane adventure ... mountain-climbing in the Himalayas"
mattnewport "Mountains make me happy. I love snowboarding and hiking on them."
Nisan "I love exploring" [pictures in exotic mountainous locations]
JGWeissman "I am an active member of the UCI Sailing Association"
Relsqui "You want to go do something with me. Ride bikes"
I've got nothing against mountains, I've even been up a few and enjoyed it. I'm not fat or anything, I even exercise semi-regularly. But if I were to make a profile like this it would never occur to me to emphasize those aspects of myself. Is this known to be attractive? I personally find these profiles intimidating. I would be more awkard and less comfortable meeting any of you after seeing those profiles than just after seeing your LW contributions.
To me, those profiles have a tendency towards coming across as perfect-and-a-bit-bland or goody-two-shoes, which is simultaneously intimidating (I'm not perfect) and not exciting to me. I like people that have some decadent, flawed or 'evil' aspects. Saying you have an evil sense of humor is something, but it's a bit non-specific.
Disclaimer: I married my high-school girlfriend. I have zero experience with dating or dating websites. I probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I would possibly be qualified to give advice about maintaining a successful relationship but I know very little about starting one. My tastes in people are also probably not typical, I have a fondness for the romantic and the mysterious - exhaustively detailed profiles are inherently something of a turn-off to me.
Edit: Rereading my comment, I think I hit the wrong tone. I meant to convey "There's something I don't understand!" but probably came across as "You're doing it wrong!". I don't expect OKC profiles to be optimized to appeal to me. For one thing, I'm not an American and probably miss a lot of nuance - for example I'm not sure that outdoorsy signalling has the same meaning in my country. (For another thing, I'm married.)
Well, a lot of people like physical activity in a partner -- it says something about physical attractiveness, and also a sort of energetic outlook.
As for the predominance of outdoorsy activities -- honestly some of it is a class/culture thing, but so what. I've also noticed that there's overlap between math and mountaineering -- sort of the same kind of "coincidence" as math people liking Bach. Geeks tend to be drawn to physically demanding individual pursuits: running, climbing, cycling, and to a lesser extent weights. (Swimming ought to qualify but I've never met a lot of geeky swimmers.)
I see, that's interesting. (I run and swim - but swimming is very popular in my area.)
I live in a city surrounded by mountains that hosted the Winter Olympics this year so snow sports and hiking are pretty popular around here. There's probably some cultural context that interferes with the signalling going on in this case.
Ah! So basically I fell for the fundamental attribution error.
My explanation (dispositional): This person is a sports fanatic since he practices such an exotic high-commitment sport.
True explanation (situational): This person lives in Vancouver, where this taste in sports is commonplace..
Since you'll be looking for a person in your own city, this misunderstanding of signals presumably won't be a problem.