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NancyLebovitz comments on Love and Rationality: Less Wrongers on OKCupid - Less Wrong
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Steve Barnes asked the woman he knew who most resembled the woman he was looking for what she wanted, and made changes in himself to be more like that. It worked for him-- he's happily married.
On the other hand, this isn't the same as asking for general advice.
Interesting. I wonder what you do when "what your ideal partner wants" and "what you want to be" conflict. I guess you figure out which one's more important to you.