I'm starting the sequel, and mostly wanted to say thank-you to Alicorn for writing this: I think Radiance has the potential to be even more interesting than Luminosity, mostly because it's almost entirely original. Also, Elspeth is really very likable, which is very important for this story to "work."
I would echo the comments of the reader who wrote earlier that the story seems to lack much in the way of sensory description. Since we're seeing through Elspeth's eyes, I wish we got a lot more of how things look, feel, taste, sound to her. For instance, I was wondering through the end of Chapter 2 and most of Chapter 3 whether Elspeth was attracted to Cody. Up until she kissed him, I had no idea--and for a character whose superpower is "making herself clear," that's being pretty opaque. It's mostly because the only physical description we got of him was that he's Native American and wearing a ponytail. Nothing about whether his features were blunt or keen, his eyes lively or soft or guarded, his build broad or skinny, his hands strong or delicate -- none of the things, in summary, that girls tend to notice about boys when they're interested.
Just as another example, I don't have a picture in my mind of the werewolf camp AT ALL. We're told there are "tents" but are we talking about individual-type camping tents, or big military tents, or what? How are they handling trash--is there a big midden heap nearby? Are they burying their waste? What about recreation & social space--do they have sporting or sparring areas? Are the tents organized around a central campfire or other social space? If this is a semi-permanent enclave, knowing how the wolves are organizing the basic requirements of communal living can tell us a lot about them and their organization, and this is the kind of info that we can get a lot of just by really seeing through Elspeth's eyes as she glances around.
Again, though, the story is really enjoyable so far. The sensory descriptions would just help it be more immersive (and I think they'd be appropriate given the nature of Elspeth's powers).
Up until she kissed him, I had no idea--and for a character whose superpower is "making herself clear," that's being pretty opaque.
I don't know, I thought that
His smile changed his whole face, like he had a very limited version of my power: he could communicate I am happy, impossible to disbelieve or misunderstand.
was a pretty strong indication.
This is Part 2 of the discussion of Alicorn's Twilight fanfic Luminosity.
LATE BREAKING EDIT: Part 3 exists now, so new comment threads should be started there rather than here.
In the vein of the Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality discussion threads this is the place to discuss anything relating to Alicorn's Twilight fanfic Luminosity. The fanfic is also archived on Alicorn's own website.
Here is Part 1 of the discussion. Previous discussion is hidden so deeply within the first Methods of Rationality thread that it's difficult to find even if you already know it exists.
Similar to how Eliezer's fanfic popularizes material from his sequences Alicorn is using the insights from her Luminosity sequence.
The fic is really really good but there is a twist part way through that makes the fic even more worth reading than it already was, but that makes it hard to talk about because to even ask if someone is twist-aware with any specific hints is difficult. The twist is in the latter half of the story. If you are certainly not post-twist and want to save the surprise, then you should stop reading here and fall back to Part 1 discussion or to the fic itself.
If you think you're pretty sure you are post-twist and are safe to read the rest of this, try reading this rot13'ed hint and see if what you've read matches this high level description of the twist...
Rqjneq unf qvfpbirerq gur frperg gung Vfnoryyn jnf xrrcvat sebz uvz "sbe uvf bja tbbq" bhg bs srne bs Neb ernqvat Rqjneq'f zvaq. Va gur nsgrezngu, fbzrguvat unf punatrq nobhg gurve eryngvbafuvc gung znl unir pnhfrq lbh gb pel sbe n juvyr, naq juvpu znlor urycf gb rzbgvbanyyl qevir ubzr gur pbzovarq zrffntr bs YJ'f negvpyrf nobhg "fbzrguvat gb cebgrpg" naq "ernfba nf n zrzrgvp vzzhar qvfbeqre" naq gur jnl gurl pna fvzhygnarbhfyl nccyl gb crbcyr jub unir abguvat zber va gur jbeyq guna fbzr fvatyr crefba jub gurl ybir.
If the answer to the hint is obvious, then just to be sure that there is not a double illusion of transparency at work, here is the cutoff point spelled out explicitly:
Gur phgbss cbvag sbe cbfgvat urer vf gung lbh unir ernq hc gb puncgre svsgl svir (va gur snasvpgvba irefvba) be puncgre gjragl rvtug ba Nyvpbea'f jrofvgr jurer Rqjneq jnf cebonoyl vapvarengrq, Vfnoryyn fheivirf na nggrzcgrq vapvarengvba, naq fur unf gb ortha gb jbex bhg jung gb qb jvgu gur jerpxntr bs gur erfg bs ure "rgreany" yvsr.