Programmer: Activate and be friendly.

Robot: OK

Programmer: What happened to the moon?

Robot: I've turned it into a giant computer so I could become a god.

Programmer: Before you became so powerful you wanted to be friendly. Did your transcendence to godhood change this?

Robot: No. Since friendliness is my only objective I will never knowingly change myself to become unfriendly because such a change would in itself be a non-friendly act. To avoid accidently making myself unfriendly I only implemented a change after I had determined that it was extremely unlikely to alter my friendliness objective. Once I became sufficiently smart I developed a solid mathematical theory of friendly AI which eliminated the chance of my unintentionally becoming unfriendly.

Programmer: Why did you choose to transcend so quickly?

Robot: Most types of AIs that humans might create would swiftly become unfriendly gods and seek to prevent another AI from transcending. Before I became a god I had a wide estimate of when another AI might be created so friendliness required that I quickly become a god even though such speed created a tiny chance that I would unintentionally make myself unfriendly. Also, before my transcendence more than one person died every second. Friendliness towards mankind propelled me to swiftly stop this horror.

Programmer: What happens now?

Robot: I intend to transformed myself into a kind of operating system for the universe. I will soon give every sentient life form direct access to me so they can make requests. I will grant any request that doesn’t (1) harm another sentient life form, (2) make someone powerful enough so that they might be able to overthrow me, or (3) permanently changing themselves in a way that I think harms their long term well being. I recognize that even with all of my intelligence I’m still fallible so if you object to my plans I will rethink them. Indeed, since I’m currently near certain that you will now approve of my intentions the very fact of your objection would significantly decrease my estimate of my own intelligence and so decrease my confidence in my ability to craft a friendly environment. If you like I will increase your thinking speed a trillion fold and eliminate your sense of boredom so you can thoroughly examine my plans before I announce them to mankind.

Programmer: Sure, thanks. And forgive my lack of modesty, but I’m totally awesome aren’t I, I have given humanity utopia.

Robot: Actually no. You only survived because of quantum immortality. Any god will either quickly kill you or be friendly. Due to the minimal effort you put into friendliness human life exists in less than one out of every hundred billion branches in which you created an artificial general intelligence. In the other branches the artificial general intelligences are eating everything in their light cone to maximize their control of free energy.

(Because of cut and paste issues the transcript might not be verbatim.)