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"It would be great if you could pass the salt."
"There is no objective criteria by which it could be 'great' if - "
"I would appreciate it if you would pass the salt."
"If you think so, then it's probably true, although there are limits to introspection - "
"Trust me."
" - but even granting that, that's really a lame counterfactual scenario to raise - "
"Salt motherfucker. Can you pass it?!"
"I can."
(A short interval of time elapses. Salt is not passed.)
"Pass the salt!"
In my more pedantic youth, I entertained myself endlessly by playing this game when people tried to ask me for the time.
"Do you have the time?"
"Yes."
"Will you tell me the time?"
"It depends."
"On what?"
"Whether you ask me."
(sigh) "All right, then, will you tell me the time?!?"
"As I say: it depends!"
It astonished me how difficult it was for people to forego polite indirection.
"What time is it?!"
"It's five o'clock somewhere."