First, can you tell me how you know about comment karma? Do you have admin powers or talk to someone who does? It is a little creepy.

Second, I'm not sure at this point what your goal is with this piece. Is it merely to provide general advice that will help people become more effective at saving the world? Or are you trying to get people to give money to SIAI, by convincing them this is what they should do to save the world? I think there is some inferential distance between our positions as the result of you considering those questions more closely related than I do. There is so much SIAI-cluster stuff in here that it seems like your goal is the latter.

I ask because while you've been more than admirable in responding to my individual criticisms (I upvoted the above comment) it's begun to feel like what you want this article to be just isn't something I would upvote even if we kept going through iterations of criticism and revision. Less Wrong is a fine place to test run articles promoting rationality generally, I'm not crazy about it as a place to run test articles promoting SIAI.

If you just want to drop in an endorsement of SIAI I recommend doing it in first person and possibly in a parenthetical. Instead of:

But once that’s out of the way, I devote the vast majority of my time and resources to contributing to other non-profits [link] with staggeringly higher pay-offs [link].

say

But once you've satisfied that emotional need, devote your time and money to charities that do the most good for the least money. (I've been convinced [link to your video] that SIAI [link to the website] is the best use of my hours and dollars).

And then leave it there! Number two has the exact same problem as number three (and the exact same Anna Salamon video, incidentally).

The links in number six still aren't about spreading awareness generally, the x-risk career network isn't going to be a helpful for most people who read your article; same goes for the thing about Less Wrong search engine optimization. Unless your goal is to get people involved with the SIAI/FHI cluster of organizations it doesn't make sense to link to them unless they are accompanied by a bunch of other examples for other kinds of charity.

Seven and eight aren't problematic on their own they're problematic after you endorse a charity. They're particularly problematic after I get curious, do ten seconds of googling and find out you're the Volunteer Coordinator for the charity you endorsed. They aren't credible because it looks like a conflict of interest.

Which is why I'm asking what your goal is because it kind of looks like the goal is to get people who are curious about saving the world interested in SIAI- my advice isn't good if that's your goal as I'm giving suggestions that will make the other content of the post more convincing by making the SIAI related content less central and seem less authoritative. There's nothing wrong with having this as your goal, but I don't think Less Wrong is the place to post SIAI pamphlet copy unless Eliezer has decided to give up the pretension about this being a place for rationalists generally.