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Morendil comments on Ask and Guess - Less Wrong
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I'm not seeing how that relates to "accidental defections".
From my perspective the gains I've obtained by asking for what I wanted, instead of waiting for others to guess what I wanted (and losing through not asking), have largely outweighed the social losses (that I've been able to perceive) from the occasions where my request was received poorly.
A guesser is not limited to waiting for others to guess what they want, but they will not ask until they have guessed that the request would be well received.
The relative advantages of each depend on the culture in which they're operating. If you're in a strongly guess-oriented culture, being an asker would be very disadvantageous, whereas in an ask-oriented culture, it would be disadvantageous to be a guesser.
It would be disadvantageous to "be a guesser" in the sense of feeling obligated to guess instead of ask, but applying some guessing can be advantageous in an ask culture. By avoiding asking people questions when the answers would make them uncomfortable (no I don't want to pick you up at the airport, no you can't come to the party) you are more pleasant to be around.