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Jack comments on The Santa deception: how did it affect you? - Less Wrong
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I'm shameless when it comes to securing a good education for my kid. When looking for day cares, I was on several waiting lists at the same time and on my way to work I would alternate stopping at the different places to tell them I couldn't wait to bring my kid there while I surreptitiously spied on them. So it didn't seem like that big a deal to join the parish of the Catholic school I want my daughter to go to. According to the admissions lady (who also seemed rather shameless in her matter-of-factness about the facts of admission), I should start actually attending the church (how did she know I didn't?) and tithing some small amount, to be increased substantially once admission occurs. (But the total tuition decreases, so.)
So last Sunday I went to church and brought the family, sans husband (who would not deign, even though he certainly won't want the job of carpooling across town to the next best school).
I learned an amazing thing. All of my daughter's friends were there and it was a HUGE social event for her. Really? Church? Important background information is that we had a birthday party a month ago and other than family, only one friend from school came. During the doughnuts and coffee hug-all-your-theist-friends-time, we secured a cookie decorating play date invitation at someone's house for the first time.
So this is what I've been depriving my daughter of? And I was going to send her to this school, clueless, friendless? I'm afraid -- I fear --that her religious education is about to begin in earnest. I want her to fit in. I think it would be unfair to send her to a school where she's going to be weird.
I'll just hide my cards, that as soon as she's ready I'll let her know she doesn't have to believe any of it if she doesn't want to. With me, she can absorb and reflect as much detached irony as she wants to, or be completely sincere about her religious beliefs if that's what feels right with her friends.
Wow, what a turn-coat I've turned out to be. Hopefully this is just a momentary lapse, a brief flirtation with the could-that-I-didn't. Because it is safely Tuesday and God needn't come up again until Sunday. Wait -- Christmas is on Saturday this year.
I think I'm joking. I think I just don't have a pat solution yet about what I'm going to do about this social-school-religion thingy. I just hadn't thought through what a religious school means.(Really? They go to mass on Fridays?) I thought French kids go to Catholic school, so it should be normal and ignorable. Or perhaps I should just pay the higher tuition. (How expensive are my principles, per month?) And then there is that sneaking worry there, if she'll be treated the same, and not supported as well in her education.
I feel guilty, knowing this is a small problem compared to actually being committted to a different belief system. In the sense that I have the luxury of pretending to be Catholic, if I want to.
I went to Catholic grade school from Pre-K through 5th grade. This was a mistake, but only because the local public schools were of an extremely high quality and I probably could have gotten the same, or better education for free. I assume that isn't the case for you though.
As it stands I don't feel like the Catholic religious education hindered me intellectually- at least where I attended they didn't actually try to give us evidence or arguments for why God existed: they just taught us what we were supposed to do. Stand, kneel, stand, kneel, sit, kneel, stand. Don't use God's name in vain. I did First Communion and First Confession. Don't hit people or talk during class. I was very good at all of it. (I guess because I was such a good kid compared to my classmates I was pretty sure I was going to be canonized. I did think I might be like St. John and have the power to stare into the sun- which was almost certainly a risky thing to believe... end digression)
I don't know if I wasn't 'talking' to God enough or what, but as soon as someone presented me with the option of not believing in God I became an agnostic. I suspect if you instill her with rational, scientific values in addition to what she gets at school the Catholic thing won't stick. But keep in mind that I got out just before 6th grade. I'm not sure how things would have proceeded had I stayed. I don't know what exactly the Catholic church teaches adolescent girls but it can't possibly be that healthy so you may have to work to counteract that. I left because the small class size became a negative-- there were only 6 other boys and after my less popular friend left I was at the bottom of the pecking order.
As for the weekly mass, keep in mind that Bible verses are pretty much impenetrable to kids (at least they were for me). The only part of Mass I could understand was the Homily- and even then I usually drifted off. Most of religion class consisted of memorizing prayers and stories- Adam and Eve, Noah, the story of Christmas, the Stations of the Cross etc. Useless stuff but nothing really harmful. I never went to Sunday school so that might have undermined the indoctrination-- only a few of my classmates attended that. Most of the outside-of-school socialization consisted of CYO sports, which the entire class signed up for.
Oh, and obviously if you have any boys coming up don't let them be alter-boys or spend any significant period of time with priests. That's not even a cheap shot.