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TheOtherDave comments on Narrow your answer space - Less Wrong
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Can you recommend any writings on how not to be blunt and mean? (I've been told I have a violent communication style.)
Alternatively, I'd love to read a LW post on this topic if anyone wants to write one.
My current answer to the question of how I can be less blunt and mean is "spend an uncomfortably long time thinking about all the potential ways what I'm going to say could be interpreted and rethink what I'm going to say until I can't think of any particularly unpleasant interpretations".
I think having this strategy means that it's a lot easier for me to avoid being blunt and mean in writing than in real-life communication.
Oh, something else that comes to mind: do you have any sense of what your non-verbal communication is like? (E.g., how you stand, what you do with your arms/shoulders/hands, tone of voice, the rhythm of your speech, inter-personal distance, etc.)
Sometimes a "blunt and mean" impression in speech can come out of that, as well as choice of words.
Of course, that's less relevant in writing.
The best way I know of to deal with that is to recruit an accomplice to train with... have them tell you when you're making them uncomfortable, then experiment with alternatives, then practice in front of a mirror. It's hard, though; expect it to take some time before you see results.