siduri comments on Luminosity (Twilight Fanfic) Discussion Thread 3 - Less Wrong

10 Post author: Alicorn 30 December 2010 02:37PM

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Comment author: gwern 13 January 2011 09:21:04PM 2 points [-]

I will say one thing, while it's not as good as MoR, its plot moves much faster, which helps compensate. I think Alicorn also handles the emotional stuff better than Eliezer (unsurprisingly); I felt far less cynical and contemptuous than I might've.

On the other hand, Eliezer is much better at lacing in the didacticism since it feels like the lessons has for the reader are abandoned toward the end of book 1; and there isn't much one could learn from book 2 with Elspeth.

I particularly loved the writing for Allirea; not so much an interesting character but reflected very nicely.

In some respects I am disappointed by characters' thinking & planning. They seem very... humdrum, straightforward, and locked into magical thinking. This could be explained in some cases, but not all. Very rarely did I find myself thinking, 'ah, clever!' or 'oh, they're right, that wouldn't work'.

I came into Luminosity expecting Bella to sort of be like Harry in MoR; but she's not very much like him. Harry with Bella's advantages and obstacles would have taken over the world in the first few years. Bella is running and hiding as a data entry clerk? I mean, I may be echoing some comments I saw go by in the comments feed, but I feel the Volturi are just not much of an obstacle.

Vampires die easily of fire? Splendid, Bella spends a few months reading and developing a fuel-air bomb and there they go. (Easily justifiable, too, consequentially.) Or steals a nuke. Or maybe she has the Cullens buy up some hospices and builds a newborn army while they develop a more-fun turning process which could be mass deployed. Or something! (Creating some werewolf packs was a remarkably stupid thing to do, even if we largely go along with Bella's analysis. And if we judge by the consequences, even more stupid.)

Comment author: [deleted] 14 January 2011 04:36:31PM 6 points [-]

Personally I like it at least as well as MoR. Harry is perilously close to a Gary Stu; he dominates each of the canon characters in turn, forcing them to explicitly acknowledge Harry's moral and mental superiority. It's kind of tiresome and it's surprisingly naive fanfic writing. At this point I'm a lot more interested in Draco, who is a genuinely nuanced character and whose point of view is often very funny.

By contrast none of the characters in Radiance feel like Mary Sues (even though Elspeth has exceedingly Sueish hair). But she's got depth to her personality, and flaws that are realistic given her background--I'm specifically thinking of her tendency to passivity. She has an interesting and flexible power, and a couple of lucky "gimmes" (like being Jake's imprint), but she's not set up as someone who's going to easily and utterly dominate everything around her. To me, that makes her story a lot more interesting.

Comment author: TheOtherDave 14 January 2011 05:01:48PM 1 point [-]

Agreed.

Though that's been the price of admission for HP:MoR from almost the very beginning... it isn't about the characters, still less about their relationships, and it becomes less and less so over time.

Quite the contrary: a lot of what is being explicitly discarded from canon has to do with relationships (though at least Harry is starting to look to actual peers to have imaginary relationships with, rather than entirely hypothetical ones, which I guess is progress of a sort).

Agreed about Draco. Then again, he always intrigued me in the originals as well, and we never got to see his narrative there.

Luminosity was far more about characters from the outset. Radiance started out that way, though it is becoming problematically (for my taste, I mean; I accept that tastes vary) distracted by tactics.

Comment author: [deleted] 14 January 2011 09:00:38PM 1 point [-]

Though that's been the price of admission for HP:MoR from almost the very beginning...

I know, but at this point we've got a Harry who beats Hermione at wandwork, out-threatens Snape, humbles Dumbledore using his own phoenix, snaps orders (which are meekly accepted) at Minerva McGonagall... I find this kind of thing pretty grating, and I'm really glad that Luminosity and Radiance never went in that direction.

I don't mean to bag on MoR, because there are certainly things about the story that I really enjoy--for instance, I love the little throwaway lines explaining things like why Quidditch points count for the House Cup. I've always really enjoyed that kind of thing, fanwanking in its best and highest form--I encountered it first in the Baker Street Irregular group of Sherlockian fans, where it's done as almost an art form.

Anyway, I do like MoR, but I really don't want to see Bella or Elspeth become more like Harry.

Comment author: [deleted] 15 January 2011 02:38:09PM 1 point [-]

I know, but at this point we've got a Harry who beats Hermione at wandwork, out-threatens Snape, humbles Dumbledore using his own phoenix, snaps orders (which are meekly accepted) at Minerva McGonagall... I find this kind of thing pretty grating, and I'm really glad that Luminosity and Radiance never went in that direction.

Sure, all this is annoying, and not a good way to build sympathy, but since we've been shown that Harry is extraordinarily clever, confident and astute, I think it's marginally allowable. Eliezer lost me when Harry made it out of Azkaban without being killed or exposed. That would not and should not have happened, and IMO the fic went irretrievably to Hell at the exact moment the characters went there retrievably.