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Vaniver comments on Luminosity (Twilight Fanfic) Discussion Thread 3 - Less Wrong

10 Post author: Alicorn 30 December 2010 02:37PM

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Comment author: Vaniver 08 February 2011 05:24:21PM 0 points [-]

Chapter 39: Did Elspeth dial into the conversation twice? Or are those two different conversations? Also, "wewaited" should be two words.

Comment author: Alicorn 08 February 2011 05:39:12PM 0 points [-]

Fixed the typo. Regarding dialing, can you be more specific about where you see the redundancy (give me a string to search for maybe?)

Comment author: Vaniver 09 February 2011 06:09:04PM 0 points [-]

The string "dial" turns up two matches in 39:

"I have a question," said Tanya's voice from Siobhan's end of the phone connection. It was quiet enough to be difficult to pick out, so I pulled out and dialed in.


"Got -" Alice started muttering names, and I dialed my own phone into the conversation so I didn't have to listen to everything secondhand through my mother's.

I got the impression both of those voices were being transmitted by Siobhan's phone

Comment author: Alicorn 09 February 2011 06:36:19PM 1 point [-]

Aha. I hallucinated writing a clause in the paragraph where Jake wakes up indicating that Elspeth closed her phone to have her hands free to deal with him, but it isn't actually there. Editing it in now. Thanks.