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NancyLebovitz comments on My story / owning one's reasons - Less Wrong
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I've heard a theory that AA is optimized for one sort of (usually male) alcoholic whose stance is "I can handle it" and not useful for another sort (usually female) whose stance is "I don't deserve to have a good life".
You sound like you're in a third category.
This may just be snark, but I think some of the failings of AA correlate with usual descriptions of alcoholic/dry drunk thinking-- in particular, black and white thinking (either you're an alcoholic or you aren't, if you're an alcoholic then you're an alcoholic forever) and lying-- claiming that people who've been alcoholics can never drink safely when this simply isn't true.
Interesting theory! The stories in AA literature (particularly the 3rd edition of the Big Book, though the 4th ed. has more women's stories) generally suggest that; they are mostly tales of men who repeatedly tried to "control their drinking" and failed (blackouts, no idea what city they were in, stashing liquor all over the house to foster continual drinking, etc.).
Edited 10/2011: removed personal details I didn't want present anymore.