I agree with you that your preferences account for your actions, and that my preferences account for my actions, and that your preferences can include a preference for my preferences being satisfied.
But I think it's a mistake to use the labels "morality" and "preferences" as though they are interchangeable.
If you have only one referent -- which it sounds like you do -- then I would recommend picking one label and using it consistently, and not use the other at all. If you have two referents, I would recommend getting clear about the difference and using one label per referent.
Otherwise, you introduce way too many unnecessary vectors for confusion.
It seems relatively clear to me that EY has two referents -- he thinks there are two things being talked about. If I'm right, then you and he disagree on something, and by treating the language of morality as though it referred to preferences you obscure that disagreement.
More precisely: consider a system S comprising two agents A and B, each of which has a set of preferences Pa and Pb, and each of which has knowledge of their own and the other's preferences. Suppose I commit an act X in S.
If I've understood correctly, you and EY agree that knowing all of that, you know enough in principle to determine whether X is right or wrong. That is, there isn't anything left over, there's no mysterious essence of rightness or external privileged judge or anything like that.
In this, both of you disagree with many other people, such as theists (who would say that you need to consult God's will to make that determination) and really really strict consequentialists (who would say that you need to consult the whole future history of the results of X to make that determination).
If I've understood correctly, you and EY disagree on symmetry. That is, if A endorses X and B rejects X, you would say that whether X is right or not is undetermined... it's right by reference to A, and wrong by reference to B, and there's nothing more to be said. EY, if I understand what he's written, would disagree -- he would say that there is, or at least could be, additonal computation to be performed on S that will tell you whether X is right or not.
For example, if A = pebblesorters and X = sorting four pebbles into a pile, A rejects X, and EY (I think) would say that A is wrong to do so... not "wrong with reference to humans," but simply wrong. You would (I think) say that such a distinction is meaningless, "wrong" is always with reference to something. You consider "wrong" a two-place predicate, EY considers "wrong" a one-place predicate -- at least sometimes. I think.
For example, if A = SHFP and B = humans and X = allowing people to experience any pain at all, A rejects X and B endorses X. You would say that X is "right_human" and "wrong_SHFP" and that whether X is right or not is insufficiently specified question. EY would say that X is right and the SHFP are mistaken.
So, I disagree with your understanding, or at least your labeling, insofar as it leads you to elide real disagreements. I endorse clarity about disagreement.
As for whether I agree with your position or EY's, I certainly find yours easier to justify.
Thanks for this, very enlightening! A very good framing and analysis of my beliefs.
In You Provably Can't Trust Yourself, Eliezer tried to figured out why his audience didn't understand his meta-ethics sequence even after they had followed him through philosophy of language and quantum physics. Meta-ethics is my specialty, and I can't figure out what Eliezer's meta-ethical position is. And at least at this point, professionals like Robin Hanson and Toby Ord couldn't figure it out, either.
Part of the problem is that because Eliezer has gotten little value from professional philosophy, he writes about morality in a highly idiosyncratic way, using terms that would require reading hundreds of posts to understand. I might understand Eliezer's meta-ethics better if he would just cough up his positions on standard meta-ethical debates like cognitivism, motivation, the sources of normativity, moral epistemology, and so on. Nick Beckstead recently told me he thinks Eliezer's meta-ethical views are similar to those of Michael Smith, but I'm not seeing it.
If you think you can help me (and others) understand Eliezer's meta-ethical theory, please leave a comment!
Update: This comment by Richard Chappell made sense of Eliezer's meta-ethics for me.