I don't think it's a surprise to either of us that we read the rant differently. Could it be consistent with the thoughts of an asshole misogynist? Yes. Could it be consistent with the thoughts of a genuinely "nice" person who is in a bad mood, who's bark is worse than his bite? Yes, and I think that's more probable. Could we say that the rant contains misogynistic ideas? Yes.
taking apparent pleasure in telling them all what shallow bitches they are (that's the misogynist part)
He never refers to women as "bitches." He refers to their preferences as "infantile," which is insulting, but is it misogynistic? That depends on the definition of "misogyny."
and how many men are "out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you" (that's the aggressive part).
He is observing that there will be a bunch of cynical and resentful guys who women have ignored, and women will run into those guys. It's unclear how much he is talking about himself, and if he's not, then he's not being aggressive: he's just making an observation that follows from his previous ideas.
Even if he is talking about himself, he is rather vague about what he actually intends to do. Remember, this is a guy who thinks practically every guy who is more successful with women than him is a jerk, so his idea of being a "jerk" may be pretty mild.
I don't think his language compels us to believe that he is out to get women. It's a rant, and if we asked this guy whether he is out to unleash his cynicism and resentment on women, he would probably say "no." I think his essay is a bunch of angry posturing, and I'm skeptical that he could back any of it up (based on observations of other guys making similar complaints).
I give zero credence to the "let's pity him because society screwed him over" argument. First, I observe that most men seem to to do just fine in the romantic arena, which is a big strike against the generalized-societal-brainwashing hypothesis.
I said that it was particularly men with "men with certain temperaments and upbringings" who were vulnerable to that brainwashing. For instance, certain young men who are more introverted and sensitive are more attracted to notions of courtly love, rather than going to parties to make out with people while wasted. Furthermore, men who are less socialized disproportionately base their ideas off what the media and authority figures say about how romance works, which doesn't always match up to reality.
The fact the well-socialized male extraverts can see through a lot of sappy shit in pop culture doesn't mean that other guys can. The former sort of guy might hear this song and shrug it off, while a less well-socialized guy might hear it and start thinking of women as porcelain goddesses.
And secondly, if if he did have a run of bad luck, it's no excuse for the way he's generalized his resentment against women.
How does he know that he's had a run of bad luck, or whether he is running into a larger pattern?
Look, I got mugged by a black guy not too long ago. If I start ranting about how black men are dangerous criminal thugs, people are going to quite rightly perceive me as racist--my experience might go some way toward explaining my racism, but wouldn't justify or excuse it.
The problem with that analogy is that the preferences he observed in women weren't as rare as you getting mugged. A better analogy would be if, when you were growing up, all or most of the black guys you tried to befriend ended up mugging you. Can you see why, at the time, you might have had trouble assessing that those guys weren't representative?
Language like "infantile" aside, I have trouble seeing his views as analogous to racism. Is it really sexist to wrongly generalize about the preferences of a gender based on your experiences so far? I'm uncomfortable with that idea, because it fails to make clear how one can attempt to point out any pattern in a gender's mating preferences without being sexist. Exactly what is the bar of evidence that we need?
Do you think women who generalize about men's preferences are misandric? For instance, "men just like dumb blondes", "men only care about looks", "men only care about sex", "men don't like intelligent/strong women"?
And yes, the fact that you see him as sympathetic or "the primary victim" in the situation tells me that we have radically different ideas of what "nice" really is.
The reason I call him the "primary victim" of these outdated scripts is that he is obviously coming out the worst off, based on what we know. He never mentions taking any sort of revenge, or hurting anyone. Perhaps he victimized someone in the past, but we don't know that. It's possible that in the future the victim might turn into a victimizer, but again, we don't know.
All we know is that partly due to misguided notions about female preferences, he has spent years failing with women without truly understanding why. These misguided notions are a reasonable error given the bullshit he was force-fed without any choice. That's a sucky situation which deserves sympathy, and I'm not going to revoke that sympathy because of his horrible, horrible crime of ranting about that situation on the internets and trying to bolster his shattered ego by convincing himself that he's too good for his female peers.
As for whether he is "nice" or not, some of the things he says in the rant aren't "nice" (and could be interpreted as misogynistic, depending on how we conceptualize sexism and where our threshold for it is), but again, it's a rant. As I've stipulated, the guy could be an asshole now, and it's possible that his lack of success with women was partly due to him being an asshole in the past. Yet there is nothing in the essay that's inconsistent with a confused, but generally nice person in a bitter mood... unless we want to risk the fundamental attribution error.
So, I have trouble reconciling statements like "Could we say that the rant contains misogynistic ideas? Yes" and "I have trouble seeing his views as analogous to racism." You seem to be saying that he's stating misogynistic ideas but that's really okay, reasonable, and ultimately sympathetic--which I don't know what to do with.
This part, though, I understand:
...I don't think it's a surprise to either of us that we read the rant differently. Could it be consistent with the thoughts of an asshole misogynist? Yes. Could it be consistent wit
It seems there's some interest in PUA and attraction at Less Wrong. Would that subject be appropriate for a front-page post? I've drafted the opening of what I had in mind, below. Let me know what you think, and whether I should write the full post.
Also, I've done lots of collaborative writing before, with much success (two examples). I would welcome input from or collaboration with others who have some experience and skill in the attraction arts. If you're one of those people, send me a message! Even if you just want to comment on early drafts or contribute a few thoughts.
I should probably clarify my concept of attraction and seduction. The founders of "pickup" basically saw it as advice on "how to trick women into bed", but I see it as a series of methods for "How to become the best man you can be, which will help you succeed in all areas of life, and also make you attractive to women." Ross Jeffries used neuro-linguistic programming and hypnosis, and Mystery literally used magic tricks to get women to sleep with him. My own sympathies lie with methods advocated by groups like Art of Charm, who focus less on tricks and routines and more on holistic self-improvement.
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EDIT: That didn't take long. Though I share much of PhilGoetz's attitude, I've decided I will not write this post, for the reasons articulated here, here, here and here.
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Here was the proposed post...
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When I interviewed to be a contestant on VH1's The Pick-Up Artist, they asked me to list my skills. Among them, I listed "rational thinking."
"How do you think rational thinking will help you with the skills of attraction?" they asked.
I paused, then answered: "Rational thinking tells me that attraction is a thoroughly non-rational process."
A major theme at Less Wrong is "How to win at life with rationality." Today, I want to talk about how to win in your sex life with rationality.a
I didn't get the part on the VH1 show, but no matter: studying and practicing pick-up has transformed my life more than almost anything else, even though getting excellent and frequent sex is, oddly enough, not one of my life's priorities. Nor is finding a soulmate.
If you want lots of sex, or a soulmate, or you want to improve your current relationship, then attraction skills will help with that. Loneliness need not be one of the costs of rationality. But even if you don't want any of those things, studying attraction methods can (1) clear up confusion and frustration about the opposite sex,b (2) improve your social relations in general, (3) boost your confidence, and thus (4) help you succeed in almost every part of your life.
This is a post about what men can do to build attraction in women.c I will not discuss whether these methods are moral. I will not discuss whether these methods are more or less "manipulative" than the standard female methods for attracting men. Instead, I will focus on factual claims about what tends to create sexual attraction in women.
This is also a post for rationalists. More specifically, it is aimed at the average Less Wrong reader: a 20-34 year old, high-IQ, single male atheist.
I will also be assuming the stereotype that many passionate rationalists of our type could benefit from advice on body language, voice tone, social skills, and attire - a stereotype that has some merit. Even if you don't need such advice, many others will benefit from it. I did.
As is my style, I'll begin with a survey of the scientific data on the subject.
Self-help methods in general have not received enough attention from experimental researchers, and attraction methods have fared even worse. That may be what drove the leaders of the pickup community to run thousands of real-life experiments, systematically varying their attire, body language, and speech to measure what worked and what didn't. The dearth of research on the subject turned ordinary men into amateur seduction scientists, albeit without much training.
Still, we can learn some things about sexual attraction from established science.
[full post to be continued here]
a I've also given two humorous speeches on this subject: How to Seduce Women with Body Language and How to Seduce Women with Vocal Tonality.
b I used to be one of those poor guys who complained that "Girls say they want nice guys, but they only go out with jerks!" Merely reading enough evolutionary psychology to understand why women often date "jerks" was enough, in my case, to relieve a lot of confusion and frustration. Even without developing attraction skills, mere understanding can, I think, relieve serious stress and worries about one's manly (fragile) ego.
c Sorry, I don't know much about homosexual attraction, and I'll leave the subject of how women can attract better men to other authors.