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ChristianKl comments on Procedural Knowledge Gaps - Less Wrong
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Came across this discussion accidentally, but it fascinates me because I'm "in my head", have some Asperger's-like characteristics, have a lot of anxiety around physical contact, particularly dislike dancing and have in fact made my date leave a dancing event early because I couldn't make myself do it any longer, etc...but I'm a girl. And I can get dates pretty easily. (They usually aren't very fun for me, though).
This discussion made me realize that if I were male, but otherwise unchanged, I might not be able to get dates easily. This confuses me. I'm curious as to what you think the difference is in the male-female dynamic.
I think "getting dates" isn't the goal for most people. The question is whether you get into relationships with guys that fulfill your criteria of being good mates.
I would guess that they would be more fun for you if you overcome your anxieties around physical contact.
I think that you do can overcome some of it by taking dancing classes.
If you are a pretty girl than many man are willing to chase you and wait some time till you are ready. At the same time a guy that's empathic is less likely to ask you for another date if you don't enjoy the first date.
You're right, this is a different problem. Which is still unsolved for me.
I have had a guy go to fairly epic lengths to do this. We had what I think most people would call an awesome relationship afterwards, and lived together for some time...but a year and a half later, when we broke up, I basically wasn't upset at all and actually got a happiness boost from having my own space and better sleep again. If I was upset, it was because "what, I put all those months of effort in, and I don't even get a partner to have kids with?"
So yeah, unsolved.
I think you would probably profit from going to a Salsa course. While doing it keep in mind that you want to enjoy physical contact but don't get so close that it makes you uncomfortable.
At the beginning it would probably be good to just ask a male friend that you know and with whom you are comfortable to take a Salsa class with you.