Get clear about motives.

For example, when my husband asks me "Do you want to go out tonight?" I generally reply "Why do you ask?" Sometimes he is motivated by a desire to get out of the house; sometimes he is motivated by a desire to do laundry (which means he can't leave the house for a while).

Similarly, I try to preface questions with a brief explanation of why I care. For example, I prefer "I came across this stuff while cleaning the basement and was going to throw it out, but I figured I'd check with you first: do you want to keep any of it?" to "Do you want to keep any of this stuff?"