Your example reminds me of a chapter from Yes Means Yes-- the idea that women have actual lust is still so blanked out in the culture, that it's quite possible to forget about it even when you're trying to construct a sex-positive example.

Sally thinks sex is normal. Sally thinks Bob is cute. Bob makes the first move, and doesn't seem to be abusive.

Does Sally want sex with Bob? Maybe. Maybe not. Her desires (as distinct from her concern about whether she's doing the right thing) don't seem to be part of the story.