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Swimmer963 comments on The peril of ignoring emotions - Less Wrong
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Agreed. Except that I don't think everyone uses it as a counter-judgement. There are a significant number of people who take it literally and assume that we really should be tolerant of everyone and not judge people for their lifestyle choices.
Even among that group there is a majority for whom 'tolerant of everyone and not judge people for their lifestyle choices' in fact applies to a specific set of lifestyle choices that have been legitimised according to their perspective of political correctness. For example many of that group would not be especially tolerant and non-judgemental of a 40 year old and a 14 year old who have an entirely voluntary and evidently satisfying sexual relationship.
(Decrement the second figure if necessary until the example is sufficiently inconvenient.)
Agreed. I'm trying to think what my reaction would be to that situation...if, say, my 14-year-old sister was dating a 40-year-old man. I would worry that she was being exploited, of course, but I think I know my sister well enough to tell if she is comfortable and happy with something, and if she was, then what right do I have to take that away from her? (Although I'm trying to think what long-term prospects such a relationship has. Even 10-year age difference relationships, if one party is 19 and the other is 29, often break up over the members being in different life phases, i.e. the 19-year-old is starting university and wants to be a little bit wild and discover who ey is, and the 29-year-old wants a house and children before ey gets too old... Despite gender-neutral pronouns, it would be a LOT more surprising if the younger member were male.)
Comment on that: it's not just that relationships between very young girls and much older men are not legitimized according to political correctness, it's that I think they bring up a strong emotional current of 'pedophile!' And I think a lot of (generally open-minded) people might react the way I did, if a friend or family member were in that situation; with discomfort and protectiveness at first, but acceptance if and when they realize the relationship is voluntary and satisfying. (Although they might warn their younger sibling/niece/friend about all the possible consequences to their reputation, etc.)
(Wow that's weird...now I can't think why a relationship between a sexually mature 14-year-old and a 40 year old WOULD bother me, as someone's personal choice. My brain got used to that fast. And there are cultures that did accept those age differences, in marriage at least...Henry VIII and his 5th wife come to mind.)
For what it's worth, my husband is ~10 years older than I am.
Of course, you were probably assuming a heterosexual couple.
How old were you when you got together? The 10 year age difference seems to become less relevant if both parties have finished school, have a full-time job, do similar things in their spare time, etc.
Oh, it absolutely makes a difference, and I was in my early 20s at the time.
Oh yes, absolutely. In fact most people I've met use it "correctly" at some times and as a counter argument at others...
I totally agree with the actual phrase, as stated. It's a useful social heuristic for getting along with others - especially where people are disagreeing over a point of personal taste. (No matter how much I argue that Vegemite is "just better" - the Marmite-lovers won't agree... so we should indeed learn to just be tolerant of one another ):)
However I can get quite upset if somebody uses this heuristic as a means to shout-down an argument about verifiable fact - or even just force people not to have a discussion about whether or not something is a verifiable fact (which is where I most often see this mis-used).
I've never seen it used this way, probably because the friends I spend the most time with love discussing anything and the last thing they would want to do would be to shut down a conversation. Agreed that people who don't like discussing the issues closest to their heart would probably use it for this.