NancyLebovitz comments on The peril of ignoring emotions - Less Wrong
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Yes Means Yes is the book I meant-- I haven't found another book with the same title.
As for the rest of your post, I want to think a little longer before I reply.
This one has the same title, and apparently deals with similar topics:
http://books.google.com/books?id=tZH5aRrxtgEC&dq