Wow -- I missed this comment completely! Thanks for sharing.

Much of what I tried at first, you've already done. I talked to other Christians. I read some books. I discovered there are atheists on the internet.

Yup. Read those blogs daily except for two. I should check out Leaving the Fold; I've heard it mentioned quite a few times.

That retreat sounds awesome. Too bad I'm in the midwest. Seems like everything cool is happening in CA. My brother is out there; perhaps I could time a visit when that's going on...

Making new friends is another great suggestion. I've kind of done this via the local Minnesota Atheist meetup groups... but my participation probably isn't regular enough to really form friendships yet.

Then there came a time when I decided. Enough with the books. I was done.

Yes -- this is what I'm waiting/hoping/working toward. I think that finishing my book list and writing out my cumulative case will help greatly toward me finally "letting go."

Woodworking has already become a new passion for me. It's been far more rewarding already to work on that vs. read apologetics!

I think our counseling is helping, but am not sure, either. I wonder what will solve our issue about how to raise out children. This seems to be the biggest sore spot. I also have a huge issue with the fact that my wife constantly refers to my non-belief as some sort of choice or willed thing. That allows her to make indirect comments that imply that I've "hurt her by my actions." I'm find with the first part.. but it adds a lot of turmoil to think that she sees me as "having done something to her" rather than seeing as me having gone through something tumultuous and, as a result, she is hurting/grieving as well.

I guess I'd rather have her see this as analogous to me having been diagnosed with cancer vs. seeing as me binge drinking in front of her everynight while she sobs. Does that make any sense?

Even better would be for her to see it as me finding food x extremely tasty while she doesn't like it, but I'll take what I can get. i understand that, to be consistent, she perhaps needs to see this as an undesirable, but at least she could see it as me being "sick" rather than me "intentionally f-ing up our lives."

Thanks again for sharing. I'll keep the counseling resource in mind, though it seems a bit pricey for me at the moment and I wonder if there are other ways to bring about the desired effect for free. I also quite prefer person-to-person interaction and, thus, if I were closer I'd definitely be looking into the retreat, regardless of it's $500ish cost.

Thanks again for sharing.