= 27d567bc2d48d9f40e9ccc20ea370b15)
GabrielDuquette comments on Mitigating Social Awkwardness - Less Wrong
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
= 783df68a0f980790206b9ea87794c5b6)
Loading…= b715d02e85f7b3b4ae65ca3d3e450868)
Subscribe to RSS Feed
Powered by Reddit
= f037147d6e6c911a85753b9abdedda8d)
You are viewing a comment permalink. View the original post to see all comments and the full post content.
Comments (158)
I'm not sure this is helpful (or news), but I've been wondering if problems with "natural" social skill aren't due to an underactive System 1, but an overactive System 2. Meaning, most people have normal social capabilities, but exceptionally bright people tend to let their intellect interfere with what might run somewhat normally if it weren't being looked at through an electron microscope.
This doesn't mean that if you were dumber, you'd be "normal-er" (read: mirror people more effectively), but you might fret less about your differences, which could in turn prevent a paralyzing negative feedback loop. I've personally observed that (after high school, at least) people are much more tolerant of my idiosyncrasies than I am... and if I could truly update this belief, I'd in turn be more tolerant of their idiosyncrasies, and so forth.
You have a good point there. (But for me the reference to arbitrary 'System 1 & 2' designations was annoying and potentially misleading.)
How would you phrase it?
Does this version flow better?
Yes, thanks!
I assume Systems 1 and 2 here refer to this Elephant and Rider article.
I suspect this is one of those things where both ways are true. I do believe that at least to some extent, social skills are hard-wired into human brains, and spending too much conscious thought on social actions can actually impede them.
For a bit of anecdotal evidence, I fairly often experience difficulty finding the "right" moments to insert a comment into a conversation among several people. But at other times, in a very similar conversation I can easily join in the conversation in a way that feels natural and doesn't appear to startle or annoy anyone.
One obvious factor correlated to the difference is familiarity with the group. So possibly my Mind 1 / Elephant knows more about their particular cues for attention-sharing, and/or they know more about my own semiconscious signals for having something to say. But I can also experience different degrees of ability to speak in conversation among the same group of people. A second factor which correlates to that ability is whether I feel comfortable, or anxious. I would describe the effects of anxiety (at least on my mind) as preoccupying the Mind 2 / Rider with unproductive thoughts. So it seems this might be a simple example of overthinking interfering with social skills I do have. (Though sadly, I can't "switch modes" at will, nor easily take precise measurements of what happens when I am doing it "right". And yes, these two "factors" are themselves very correlated.)
On the other hand, many social skills can only be learned. The ones we don't get for free with our brains, we can train with conscious effort, and with luck engrain them into the semiconscious "System 1".
This is interesting because my initial response is to disagree, but I don't think I have good reasons or evidence.
To drastically oversimplify: You seem to be saying that intelligence is primary and social skills are learned. You're born smart or dumb, and if you're smart, you over-analyze social situations and become afraid.
My initial reaction is the opposite: Social skills are primary, intelligence is learned. You are born with or without good social skills, and if you don't have them, you read a lot (by yourself) and hack computers or whatever, so that you become smart.
I'm saying that sociability and intelligence are both present in some quantity at birth, but not necessarily the same quantity. I'm also saying that exceptionally powerful native intelligence combined with lower than average native sociability may result in a rider who who is much less likely to see the benefit of occasionally dropping the elephant's reins.