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EphemeralNight comments on Rational Romantic Relationships, Part 1: Relationship Styles and Attraction Basics - Less Wrong
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There is no such person.
Then I think you might benefit from improving your social skills after all.
First, accumulate 117 acquaintances who would trust you to relay an unimportant piece of information accurately, and four true friends who would trust you to provide support in a situation which unexpectedly became violent.