TobyBartels comments on Malice, Stupidity, or Egalité Irréfléchie? - Less Wrong
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To me, the simpler explanation is loyalty signaling. A change in behavior represents a change in alliances, so your friends/family are trying to make sure you're not unintentionally signaling your desire to break alliance with them, to join another group. They don't want to lose an ally, or for your nonconforming behavior to negatively affect their status with others within your common social circle.
IOW, if you = Person A and your friend/family member is B, then B fears that some set of others C will identify you as an out-group member, and question B's status due to their association with you.
However, since humans are adaptation-executors rather than utility maximizers (and are thus inherently self-deceiving), only the most self-aware B will realize that this is what they fear. Instead, they will simply feel a sense that your behavior is somehow not-right, dangerous, or even offensive to some degree... and a resulting desire to save you from yourself, so as to reduce the agitation and discomfort they feel in the face of your behavior.
Btw, in at least some self-help and entrepreneurial circles this phenomenon is well-known, and persons involved in efforts to change or improve themselves are urged to seek out peer groups in which their desired/target behaviors are normal, desirable, and praiseworthy... as well as to expect/be prepared for negative reactions from current peer groups.
Actually, come to think of it, the advice to seek a peer group is also common to PUAs and 12-step recovery groups alike. Humans just seem to function better when they can realistically believe they are behaving in ways that are admired by others in their social circle.
So, fearing that A is signalling a desire to leave the group, B discourage A's new behaviour; to counteract this, A seeks out a new peer group, increasing the odds that A does end up leaving the group. So B is engaging in classic self-defeating behaviour ... unless, of course, the peer pressure succeeds.
Unfortunately, B's response to A may well be rational, if B expects other Bs to react the same way, leading A to leave the group unless B can make the peer pressure on A to conform strong enough. The various Bs are in something like the prisoner's dilemma with each other; (if I knew my catalogue of game theory better, I'd be able to say just what they're in).
Which it usually does. In the ancestral environment, opportunities for seeking out a new peer group were quite limited, so our brains don't quite realize they can do it; they're still quite biased towards keeping the existing group happy.
If this weren't the case, it wouldn't be so necessary for wealth, self-help, PUA, and other gurus to harp on the importance of doing it, and of being prepared for a negative response from your existing peer group.
Well, their problem is not opposing interests. In your model, they seem to have the same interests - they're just at the wrong Nash equilibrium.
Right, it's definitely not PD. And it's not Chicken. As you say, it's one with two Nash equilibria, a good one at both-cooperate and a worse one at both-defect. I just don't remember what it's called and don't know where to find out online.