Well, here's an idea: how about this: let's ALL post examples of socially awkward interactions and post them all to a common website (maybe you have some examples that are highly upvoted on reddit's archives). Most of the people I talk to are socially awkward themselves, and they've gone through some pretty intensely interesting experiences. It sometimes alleviates social anxiety since you get an idea of what people tolerate and what they don't, so that you feel somewhat more confident about how people will receive you in real life.
Here's a facebook group full of examples:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204853322
if you've ever...
- walked down the hall and someone you know is really far away but you dont want to make eye contact too soon yet you dont want to miss it so you look at them then look away...
- gone in for a hug and had your arms the wrong way or your heads both go the same direction then you bump heads
- kept bumping in to someone... they walk right you walk right, they walk left you walk left etc.
- messed up a high five; theres many ways to do this believe me... high fived it when they went for a pound. high fived someone when they ment to highfive the person BEHIND you and so on.
- waved to someone when they were waving to someone behind you
- grabbing someone elses food [i.e. drinking someone elses smoothie...]
- someone spoke to you in bad english and you just smiled and nodded yes when the question wasnt a yes or no question
- awkward silences.
- calling somones name when its not them.
- calling someones name and they dont hear you so everyone stares at you when you look like your talking to yourself
- awkward conversations in general
- stuck talking to someone and you both slowly start walking different ways
- saying bye and then walking the same way as that person
- talking really loud when loud music is on and then people turn it down and you say something really loud
- typing something while another person ims you and you always end up sending them really weird sounding things by mistake
- Walking down the hall and being at the point where you know them but you are not sure if you know them enough to say hi yet, so you dont
- having a hole in your pants
- joining in on a random conversation followed by stares
- when you're at a restaurant and the waiter says "enjoy your meal" and you say "you too" only realizing later that they aren't going to eat anything
- talking about a group of people or people who are of a certain ethnicity/religion or whatever and having somone of that group be right there.. also talking about somone whos behind and/or next to you
- and best of all you just love to make awkward smiles in pictures.
- told a joke that no one laughed at (or one that only YOU thought was funny)
- told a story that people respond with "here we go again" or "that was the most worthless story i've ever heard"
- this group.
- sang REALLY loud and then someone changes the station or whatnot leaving you singing REALLY loud for a second or two..
- on facebook you think your writing back to someone but then a day or two later you realize you had written it on your own wall. yeah you're awesome
- getting caught hooking up...by your parents
- being in a different country where they dont speak english and saying something about someone and they understand you
...if any of these have ever happened to you, you're not alone. welcome, because who isnt awkward :) (read less)
The point of this discussion is not really to vent, but to analyze and deconstruct the causes of Social Awkwardness. I'm still upvoting you though.
So I was there being my rationalist-with-akrasia-issues, nerdy, awkward self who studies acting, singing, rhetorics, PUA, TV Tropes, Machiavelli, The Art of War, the 48 Laws of Power, the Art of Seduction, the Seven Habits... in the hopes of escaping his chronic fear of his neighbor (with some success, shall I add, but it comes slowly). And then I sumble upon this nice little harmless meme:
Socially Awkward Penguin
I was absolutely stunned. This behavior. I thought it was strange and unique. It's incredibly common. This gave me great hope. If it is common, it means it isn't due to noise: there's a pattern there, there's something to unravel. The misjudgements of power, of what it's right to do, of when to fear and when to be bold, when to speak and when to be silent... What *is* the right thing to do when you're with a coworker on an elevator? What do you say when someone remembers you, but you don't remember them, and they have noticed that? What do you do when you're hit by a paper ball in class? What do you do when the only people you seem to be able to make friends with are older, younger, or of the opposite gender, and you're utterly intimidated by people of your same age and gender, the friendship of whom you know would profit you most? Why do you automatically recalculate trajectories to avoid acquaintances in the hall, at the super, on the bus? Why is it that when a person of the opposite gender so much as pays attention to you, you think you have a crush on them?
There are clues to some of these questions in the books and works I linked back there. But, more often than not, we expect those problems to solve themselves, with one magical word, "confidence".
I am confused at that notion. I find it unsatisfactory. I want to understand social awkwardness. The rules thereof. And how to vanquish it. And I want the keys in a way that can be taught. So that, when I have kids, they don't have to go through the same stupid struggles and can actually feel good about themselves and focus on getting stuff done.
So, I hereby summon the powers of the Lesswrong community: let us pick apart this problem as we know so well, and let us unbury the roots of this evil that is social awkwardness, so that we nerds and geeks may defeat it at last, and live free of its funk.