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Nisan comments on Ego syntonic thoughts and values - Less Wrong
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It sounds like you're describing two problems: Both sides renege on compromises, and neither side will tolerate ceding control as part of a compromise.
Do both sides have both of these problems?
As far as I can tell, yes.
If I were modeling your sides as two different people, I'd say their behavior is understandable because they have a history of noncooperation. If I were tasked with mediating between two people who don't trust each other, I'd start with very low-stakes exercises.
A practitioner of IFS has told me that when they make a long-term plan that requires a subagent to sit dormant for a long while, they have to periodically perform small favors or gestures for the subagent in order to maintain the subagent's trust.
So: Though your experience sounds different from mine, it sounds like at least one of your problems is the familiar problem of your selves not trusting each other.
I have previously attempted "small" deals, say planning ~1 hour/day and leaving the rest unmodified. I will try even smaller stakes, on the scale of minutes.
One problem is that I'm very well aware that this is a trap. I know that if I get working deals, I would immediately start escalating them. Hm, you might be unto something with regard to trust issues.