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RobertLumley comments on New Post version 2 (please read this ONLY if your last name beings with l–z) - Less Wrong
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What if I just hang out with you and am ok continuing to do that regardless of your answer, but I tell you in advance (at an early stage before precedence hardens into informal rules or pair bonding takes root) that I won't commit to a long term relationship unless an agreement to keep the relationship in certain parameters is acceptable to you?
That seems like the optimal course of action, holding the parameters fixed.
We could also talk about optimizing the parameters for the mutual benefit of the pair, but it is nonobvious to me how one should do that. My intuition points towards something like polyamory, but it's way too easy to generalize from one example in this situation for me to have much confidence in that.