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smk comments on Rationality and Relationships - Less Wrong
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Yeah, that's pretty much what I hear from most people. I'm so lucky! It can't be that I put careful thought into it at that young age. Even when people don't chalk it all up to chance, their first thought is that I have learned to apply good relationship maintenance (they're less likely to think that the relationship maintenance is my husband's doing).
Not that relationship maintenance isn't important, but I really believe that I have a happy marriage because I had a clear idea of what someone well-suited to be my husband would be like. I'm not sure I'd call it luminosity, but it's along those lines.
Were these skills honed over time, or are you a "natural?" What characteristics do you possess that others might not (as much)? Can you dissolve your talent?
As I was starting to hint at with the "luminosity" reference, I think a long habit of introspection helped me to figure out that, yes, marriage is for me. And what particular kinds of marriage are for me. And what sort of spouse would be suited to having that kind of marriage with me. And how I needed to change in order to be a good spouse in return. And which criteria are more crucial than others.
As a teen I was glad to be able to learn from the mistakes of my peers, instead of going through that heartache myself. It seems like not everyone can do this, though? At least, I can think of a few people who always seem to have to touch the hot stove before they learn that it burns.
I was that teenager, too. I didn't want to date until I had observed enough to do it well. It worked out well - it taught me to love without needing to possess. That's been a huge life skill for me.