I stumble shakily about the subway station clutching my groin, eyes unfocused and face contorted oddly. People think I am a drunken pervert, in reality I just had a mole removed high up on my inner thigh.

haha that's extremely specific. Did that really happen? I'd reckon you'd just been injured in the balls (owwie! or had an orgasm from a really good thigh kissing experience (indeed, an experience every good women shoes experience at least once in their life), the memory of which you were reliving.