Hmm..."victor" probably isn't a good choice here, though. I didn't recognize the ambiguity in the English at first, until I read Dallas' translation. "Champion" in English can mean "winner" or "defender/fighter for a cause", and I went with "winner", but I think Dallas is correct in thinking that Eliezer wanted the "defender" meaning. In that case, make the second line
"nec defensori Dominus"
(propugnatori, as Dallas has it, also has roughly the same meaning (shades up the "fighting" connotation), but ugh, five syllables with a glottal stop; I'd keep it to prose)
nec or neque?
Doesn't modo usually indicate a quantitative restriction? ("You're only allowed 10 of those", "he was only just alive", etc.) Note: I'm basing this on looking it up in Lewis&Short, not on genuine expertise of my own.
Where's the glottal stop in propugnatori? (Regardless, I like defensor.)
If anyone can do non-wrong Latin, I could use a translation of the following for HPMOR. The original is supposed to be circa 1200.
No rescuer hath the rescuer.
No Lord hath the champion,
no mother and no father,
only nothingness above.