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wedrifid comments on Weight training - Less Wrong
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High weight, no doubt. Aim for ~8 Reps. Focus on exercises that use multiple muscle groups. ie. Squats, bench press, lat pull down.
Low frequency. Give yourself time to recover. Don't make the length too high either. The sets you do should be intense. You should be as exhausted as possible after you finish them.
'Roids, if you are optimizing for physique (but probably not if you are optimizing for, well, life in general). More sensibly supplement protein. Play with some creatine if you are enthusiastic, particularly if you are into the appearance boost.
Creatine might also have additional cognitive benefits
What's wrong with roids?
Just some tradeoffs to be made. Typical side effects are a mix of:
Depending on the type you buy you can mix and match from that set as well as trading off effectiveness and price.
I'm surprised you mentioned steroids before creatine. Steroids are well-established to be bad for you, whereas creatine has undergone a moderate amount of testing with no evidence of negative side-effects (though it hasn't been studied long enough for long-term side effects to be ruled out). I haven't done a ton of research, but here are my main sources:
"ISSN exercise & sport nutrition review: research & recommendations", Kreider et al. "Effects of creatine supplementation on performance and training adaptations", Richard Kreider
You wouldn't be if you knew me. You'd be picturing the twinkle in my eye as I gave the literal answer to the question before acknowledging the impracticality and giving safe but far less effective alternative.